Jess had an experience lifting that is very common for many of us that compete in powerlifting. She agreed to share it here.
Written by: Jessica Burdick
Most days I wake up fairly motivated to get the day started and finish feeling satisfied.
Satisfaction for me is big. Satisfaction for me comes from work and lifting. If something goes wrong in any of those settings it creates a whirlwind of negative emotions for me.
This week my satisfaction levels were running low. When I was getting ready to go to the gym on Saturday, I was in my car thinking to myself, why the fuck am I going to the gym right now when I have a MILLION other things to do? When I don’t feel like training, I also question why the hell I’m In a career that is also geared around people working out and lifting.
This hits me hard when I get to the end of a hard week and I feel grinded into the ground. I texted Kevin Cann, my powerlifting coach and I basically told him I don’t know if I can do this anymore. Now, don’t get me wrong I’ll randomly text him half hearted messages saying I hate this shit and I don’t want to do it and blah blah. This time felt different.
Also, if you are a girl and are reading this you will understand when I say I felt huge and bloated and fat and training was the last thing I wanted to do. I go by the look good, feel good mentality and this week has made me feel old and rattled by self confidence.
Kevin told me about replacing motivation with discipline and that is what makes the difference in someone who is just training to train and someone who is training with a purpose. My purpose is not only my career and teaching people, but I feel it i important to lead by example. I also would like to compete at Raw Nationals one day.
My anxiety takes the wheel a lot. It tells me I’m fat, I don’t know what the fuck I’m doing when it comes to training clients and that I’m weak and will never be competitive in the sport of powerlifting. I knew this day anxiety was really winning. I think we all question what we are doing a lot, but in my experience it can be hard. Lifting is my outlet and a hobby of mine, but it’s also a sport I compete in and something I coach people on everyday. When I question one thing about my life I’m actually questioning 3-4 things.
Anyways, Saturday was my two year anniversary of starting powerlifting and I knew I had to make a post on Instagram about it. Joking, but half serious because I use Instagram to keep me accountable. Weights felt heavy, and all I could think about was how uncomfortable I was in my body.
I texted kevin and he told me to lower the weights in my squat pyramid. Technically this is the rule since I went up by greater than 5% on my squats on Wednesday and I wasn’t feeling good. Thank god.
After squats, I was so relieved to get it done I was excited for bench and accessories. Also, I was lifting with some of my best friends which helps a lot. Truly, there’s no moral and nothing amazing happened. However, I went into the weekend with my satisfaction level a little higher. As cliche as it sounds, most times we are one training session away from a good mood or even a 1% better mood.
You know your body but a lot of times we don’t realize how hard we can push through. If you have anxiety and self limiting issues I highly suggest calling yourself out on your bullshit, like really fucking doing it. Challenging yourself can be hard but it’s worth it and also having a coach like Kevin that knows when to call you out on you shit.